It All Fades Away

Dripping venom,

Poison from with in,

Killing sorrows,

Of kith and kin.

I dream of days,

Where all pain,

Fades away,

But nothing comes,

And I am alone again.

No one cares,

They only stare,

As if the blood,

Wasn't really there.

Needles in my head,

Voices from within,

Telling me to kill,

And kill again.

Why must it go on this way,

Why can't it all go away,

Why.

The blade is so close,

The body trembles,

The smallest touch,

And it will all go away.

The pain fades,

The blood drains,

And all is ending.

The last breath,

The light fades,

And no one is there,

To hold your hand.

Inside the Darkness

Do you know what it's like,

To be too afraid to speak,

For fear that your words,

Will break the weak.

To be silent,

When you want to scream,

Is a terrible feeling.

When words escape,

Chaos ensues.

You speak the truth,

And you write your fantasy.

The darkness within,

Should never be seen,

Except through the words,

That escape from the pen.

There is no title to this because no title is needed. Those who truly know me will understand the meaning behind the words in this poem. Someone recently read a poem titled Unbroken and I would like to thank whoever did. I had forgotten about this poem and it really describes me right now.

Now for the poem you came to read.

Balanced on a blade,

A life hangs in the balance.

Not knowing what to do,

She turns to those who care.

Blinding trust,

To stay alive,

She doesn't want to die.

Looking over the edge,

With suicide lurking below,

She flees in terror.

Ignoring fear and pain,

She pushes past,

And life goes on.

Life is still balanced,

But no longer in peril,

Because she knows she is loved.

A loving embrace,

And a lovers face,

She knows her place.

When the Wheel Turns

When I close my eyes,

I see your face,

And all I want,

Is to feel your embrace,

One last time.

I miss your smile,

I miss your laugh,

I miss the way,

You wouldn't say,

What was on your mind.

You are my Dad,

For just 10 years,

And I wish,

You had always been.

I can't bare to think of you,

In that cold ground,

But I know,

Why you're not around.

You can not walk me down the isle,

Nor can you see,

My little one smile,

I do not know,

What I will do,

When these things come to pass.

I cry and scream,

But you can not hear,

What I have to say.

I want to see you one last time,

But I know,

I'll have to wait.

Until the veil has thinned,

And the wheel turns once more,

When Samhain has come,

Then I can see you again.

Just thought you should know...

Since I have decided to embrace my religion I thought it would be a good idea to write it down. It's not really a religion, more like a thought process, but I will use the word religion because it is easier. Being a curious creature I can't help but learn new and exciting things. The different religions of this world is no exception. Through my learning I have found that I don't like structured religion. I don't like people telling me what to believe, what I can and can't do, and how to worship. The closest religion/belief system that matches what I believe is Paganism. Paganism is a nature based belief system. There are no rules saying you have to believe this and you can't believe that. There is freedom in this. You worship what God(s)/Goddess(es) that call to you and you can do it your way.

Since I brought up Deity let me explain my idea of Deity. There is only one being that created everything. That being is neither male nor female, it is both. Now some religions only believe and worship the male aspect of this Creator as a God. While others only believe and worship the female aspect as a Goddess. Then there are some that worship both aspects as a God and Goddess. I belong to the later. There is something comforting and balanced about this that calls out to my unbalanced mind. I also believe that there is no right or wrong when it comes to how and what you worship. To me there isn't one true religion. How does one decide if your religion is the one true religion? The followers of the one true religion believe that everyone who doesn't believe is going to hell/Hades/whatever you want to call it. Well if everyone thinks that their religion is the one true religion the hell is going to be awful crowded.

Let me ask you this and I want you to actually think about it. If hell means being separated from your Deity of choice the couldn't you say that living is a form of hell?

This brings up my next point... reincarnation. I choose to believe in reincarnation because I can't imagine any Deity giving you only one chance to get things right, while giving you multiple things to choose from.

These things bring me comfort and make loosing loved ones a little easier. It's important now more than ever as I watch my Dad as he lays here dying. I know some of you reading this won't agree with what I believe, but please understand my reasons.... and don't try to talk me out of what I believe because you won't change my mind.  

Daddy

I see you lying there,

Wasting away to nothing,

And I don't even know,

If you realize that I'm still here.

You want to leave this world,

And Daddy that's okay,

Because in the end,

It's better this way.

Unaware of your surroundings,

Not knowing where you are,

You seem so frightened,

But in bed is where your at.

I wish I could tell you,

That it's okay to die,

But I have a hard time,

Just looking you in the eye.

There are so many things,

That I wish we could have done,

And I wish I had been your daughter,

Right from the very beginning.

I may not have liked you,

When you first dated my mom,

But I grew to love you,

Because it was part of your charm.

You took me in,

Despite my destructive ways,

And you became my dad,

In every way that counts.

I love you,

And I don't want you to leave,

But I understand,

That the Gods are calling you home.

So go be with Them,

And see your mom again,

If that is what you want to do.

Please don't forget us,

And we won't forget you,

Because you will always be my Dad,

No matter what anyone else says.

I don't have to words,

To say this out loud to you,

So I hope my love and intention,

Finds it's way to you.  

Banishment Spell

So here I am,

Back at the start,

With thoughts of dread,

Running through my head,

And plaguing my heart.

I banish the voice of doom,

That whispers to me at night.

I banish the fingers of dread,

That caress my cheeks.

I banish the worm of doubt,

That crawls over my heart,

As it looks for a way in.

I banish thee,

All negativity must flee from me.