Thoughts of You

What do I do,

When you become all I need?

What do I do,

When you become all I see?

Can I put,

My hopes in you,

And can you make,

My dreams come true?

Will you make my heart complete,

Or will you shatter it,

And lay it at my feet?

Why do I think,

The things I do,

And what should I do,

If they actually come true?

Healing Words

I don't tell you,

What to do or say,

So please,

Do the same.

I am me,

And I can't be,

Any one else.

I like what I like,

And I hate what I hate.

I understand you,

And you are a dear friend,

So you should know,

How that would end.

I don't want to step,

On anyone's toes,

But I'm not going to walk,

To very careful anymore.

I need to be free,

Because of the words in me,

But if you choose not to go with me,

I will understand.

I am healing,

From the inside out,

So please don't ask me to stop,

Because I will not comply.

I am a caterpillar,

In it's cocoon,

So hopefully,

I will be a butterfly soon.

Goddess Guide Me *

The moon is the domain of the Goddess,
While the stars are the keepers of fate.
What makes them decide,
To put one soul with another?
Is it random?
Is it a one lifetime thing?
Or could it be that these things were decided,
Long before the souls were even born?
People say that love can last a lifetime,
But why limit it.
Couldn't it be possible that true love could last,
Through out the lives one soul can live?
Does a soul know it's mate even before one falls in love?
Is this the reason why humans,
Are constantly searching for their soul mate?
My soul has finally stopped searching,
But why?
Has it found its mate?
Is this why it's at peace?
Where can I turn?
Where should I go?
Who can I talk to,
So I can confirm,
What I should already know?
What makes this one,
Different that all the others?
Is this the one?
Or is it a passing infatuation?
Has my soul found peace,
Because of him?

Are You My Friend *

If I told you I was fine,

Could you look in my eyes,

And tell if it was a lie,

Or would you just believe me,

Because you want no part of me?

You say you understand,

But you refuse to see my tears,

As they stream down my face.

Why do you look away?

Are you afraid to see me,

For who I really am,

Or do you feel sorry for me,

Because I stand alone?

I have no friends,

But only because no one is willing,

To look deep inside my soul,

And no one wants to help me out,

Because of the fear of being pulled in.

If you look into my eyes,

Be careful of what you see,

Because you might understand,

What it's like to be me.

Always With Me *

I wish I could hold you,

One last time before we part,

But I cannot,

Because people might begin to talk.

I wish I could tell you,

The feelings I have inside,

But I am afraid to face them.

You make me smile,

When others cannot,

And you make me happy,

Even when I am sad.

You protect me,

From the dangers of my mind,

And you save me,

From my own darkness.

What is this,

I feel deep in my heart,

Deep in my soul?

My heart quickens,

And a grin spreads across my face.

You stand before me,

With a grin of you own.

You grab me,

And hold me,

Speaking,

Whispering in my ear,

I love you,

And I will always be here.

Fear *

I look into your eyes,

And my head starts to spin,

My heart beats faster,

Until I can hear it,

Beating like a drum.

I cry harder,

With each trembling breath,

And I see nothing,

As the tears fall.

I would like to say,

I think I can,

Like the little engine that could,

But I can not.

I wish I could be like you,

Perfect in every way,

But I can not,

Because I,

Am only human.

Why can't I do this,

Is the question that plagues my head.

I ask myself every morning,

And at night before I go to bed.

I have to ask you one question,

Before I go...

Why do I fear you?

Letters From the Heart *

We may be different,

In more ways than one,

But when you hold me,

My worries are done.

When you kiss me,

No matter where it maybe,

My pain vanishes,

And my aches disappear.

The closer you are,

The more my heart races,

But distance,

Brings tears to my eyes.

We speak to each other,

Without saying a word,

Because the bond we share,

Makes my spirit soar.

I don’t know,

What these feelings mean,

But I’m not in a hurry,

To define anything.

Love,

Or whatever it may be,

Doesn’t matter,

As long as it’s you and me.

Tonight *

As I sit here,

In the dark quiet eve',

I can feel your cold eyes seeking judgment,

Upon people like me.

What have I done,

To be treated like a plague,

That seeks death and retribution.

So do you think I am different,

Because I do not act like you do,

Or do you fear me,

Because I like to be alone.

You see my tears,

And you see my pain,

But still you laugh,

Like you have no heart.

I reach out blindly,

Seeking help from a loving heart,

But can I find that heart,

Within someone new,

Or will I be left searching,

And hoping that the eyes of the judging,

Do not find me tonight.

So instead I hide,

In the darkness,

Waiting for you.

Again

How much can I bleed,

Without dying?

How long,

Until I pass out?

How would I,

Stop the bleeding?

Do I want,

To stop the bleeding?

The blood is flowing again,

And gives me a sweet release.

This time I won't stop.

This time I will let the blood flow,

Until the very end.

Voices *

 I can hear them,
Talking to me,
Harassing me,
Trying to get me to give in.
Loving me,
Hating me,
Wanting me to be with them.
I can't make them stop,
And I can't block them out,
All I can do is listen.
I want to scream,
I want to shout,
But no matter what I do,
They just won't get out.
Why can't they be silent,
Or just leave me alone.
Why can't I have peace,
Or a space to call my own.
They follow me everywhere,
They are with me,
This I know.
I don't know how to get rid of them,
So no matter what I do,
They will be with me,
Gnawing at my sanity,
As they try to leave me,
In a bloody heap.
They are only voices in my head,
And they will stop,
Only when I'm dead.

Suicidal Depression *

I can feel it,

As it creeps up behind me,

And waits for the chance,

To swallow me again.

I can hear it whispering,

Trying to frighten me,

Into giving in.

It needs me to give in,

And to bend to its will,

So it can take control,

Of me again.

It surrounds me,

And suffocates me,

Because it wants to be let in.

If I give in,

It will kill me,

But if I don’t,

It will drive me insane.

It’s a no win situation,

Because either way,

I might end up,

In an early grave. 

Update coming...

I don't know if anyone actually reads what I write, but I plan on adding a chapter or two to my story blog.

How to say Goodbye *

How do I say good-bye,

When my heart won't let go?

How do I go on,

Without you by my side,

And how do I live,

When I know you must die?

Life is a journey,

That we all must endure,

Because it is our destiny,

To live and to die.

I know you have gone,

To live in a better place,

But that won't bring comfort,

To those you left behind.

I hate to say good-bye,

But I know that I must,

For you to be set free.

I know you will be happy,

In that heavenly place,

But please remember me,

When you look upon His face.

Let Him embrace you,

Because now we can not,

And sing with the angels,

Just one time for me.

How to say good-bye? 

Heart and Soul

Shattered,

Ripped to pieces,

This is my heart,

That you left in tatters.

Scattered,

To the four winds,

The pieces you see,

Are parts of me.

Scorched,

Burned to a crisp,

This is my anger,

My rage is true.

Sorrow,

Drowned in tears,

This is the sadness,

That I hide inside.

Stunned,

Into silence,

This is my confusion,

It belongs to you.

Standing,

Once again,

This is my resolve,

See the new me.

Supported,

By my friends,

This is my life,

It doesn't have to end.

Searching,

For the pieces,

This is my heart,

This is my soul,

And I don't know,

Where to begin.

Demon in Hiding

I lurk in the shadows,

To stay out of sight,

And no one can see me,

Because I can't be seen.

I hide out of habit,

And I don't want to be heard,

So I step softly,

And not make a sound.

I am a demon,

A creature of the night,

And what you see,

Is the cat in me.

You think of me as evil,

But you don't understand,

That to me,

Good and evil,

Don't really exist.

To know me,

The true me,

You have to talk,

And see.

I will let you see,

The me that hides inside,

But you have to move first,

Because I am a cautious one.

Do you see me?

Do you hear me?

Maybe I should just move on,

And slip back into the shadows.